He's Happy About the Divorce

I need to vent a little. OK, so it's been about 18 months since my world came crashing down on me. I should be used to the feeling, I suppose, however he still manages to surprise me. So a little over a week ago, I made the decision that my husband and I have to divorce. There's no other option. He's still active in his addiction, and was faking recovery. Ahhhh... OK, so tonight we were talking, and I asked him why he all of a sudden seems so calm and accepting of the separation and divorce. He told me that it's because he is. He said that if he's ever going to get into recovery, he needs to be away from the stresses of our family and do it on his own. He feels that's the only way for him to truely feel that he's doing this for himself. It's so completely rediculous! Now he's blaming us for his failure in recovery. Interesting, how he manages to do that... I can't help but feel that he should be having a "come to Jesus" moment right about now, taking a good, hard look at all he is loosing. Instead, he seems grateful to be rid of us.

Now, on the flip side, I am pretty grateful that I've made the decision to be rid of him. He's continued to put my health and safety at risk for long enough. I'm confident in my decision. So why do I feel betrayed that he's happy about it too? Why do I constantly feel like I'm loosing my mind? Why do I care about what he does or how he feels one way or another?

It's Over

OK, so here we are, 6 months post inpatient rehab, and I discover that he's been acting out almost the entire time. Good Lord, I don't know what to think or say. I am so devastated, that I think I'm numb. I had a feeling, but didn't have any concrete proof until the other day. I found women's numbers (and bra sizes) jotted down on a piece of paper, as well as used pre-paid phone cards. I found a porn video, and a reciept for a pre-paid phone that he purchased on 2/13 (yes, the day before valentine's day). So I told him he needed to get out. No more being frozen in inaction for me. I immediately got a new checking account, as well as a safe deposit box (for the kids bonds). He finally admitted to stealing money out of the kids piggy banks - jerk - and I don't want to take the chance that he'll cash in their bonds as well. I consulted with an attorney last week, and the biggest problem is that our house is in mid construction. He's been doing the work slowly as we can afford it. Work recently stopped because we ran out of money. Now in order to sell the house, it needs to be finished (obviously).

The thing is that I can hardly stand the sight of him right now, but he has to be here to work on the house. Also, if he comes here to work on the house, I have to let him see the kids because it would just be cruel to them to know that he is in the house, but to not be able to see him. He has been to the house every day since I asked him to leave. He stays elsewhere, however he's here visiting with the kids, helping with bedtime, etc. I just want him to be gone. How the hell do I boundry this? He has to come to the house - there's no way around that. Ahhhhh.......The whole thing is just awful. When he's not around, I feel great. Really positive, hopeful and glad that I know for sure that he's not going to get better now. I know that the best thing for me and my kids is to be away from him, but there doesn't seem to be any way to manage this effectively.